Looking Up.

Things seem a lot nicer now that I was able to speak with my mother about things that are going on. I don't feel quite as.. stuck in the situation I thought I would be forced into. If I can just apply for the necessary things that I will need help with in the next few months, I can move out from living with my sister to try and get a cheap little one-bedroom apartment on my own here without moving out to California. I already have a cradle and crib that's passed around in the family for all of my mother's grandchildren as they grow older that I can use. All I would really need to supply is the mattress and of course the other basics. But it's nice that I already have help with the BIG major things that i'll need right away. Now my main focus needs to be buying the baby clothes, bottles, burp cloths, and other things.

I'm very excited to start getting things now, but I should probably wait a little bit on some things before I find out the gender. I just want everything to be perfect and prepared for when he or she gets here.

Today, my back hurts more than it's ever hurt in my life. I went into work lastnight for a 7:30 to midnight shift and when I first went in, it wasn't hurting at all. By eleven, I was cringing. I was hoping sleep lastnight would help it go away a little bit but it feels just as bad as it did when I got off work. I wish I had some kind of muscle rub or something to help it. Today I go in from 2:30 to eleven. It's probably going to kill me. So far I have told roughly ten people I work with about it. But in a store that big, it practically amounts to nothing. Everyone seems to be extremely happy for me. In fact, I have some of the women up there wanting to exchange numbers with me now to keep in touch about everything.. as if I don't already see them almost every day haha! That store is practically my second home. Almost everyone in the family knows about the pregnancy now except my brother, his girlfriend, and my stepdad's family. My biological father in Florida found out on facebook and of course instead of questioning me, runs to my mother like i'm five years old and asks her if i'm joking. Really? It would be nice if I could be taken seriously as an adult for once in his eyes.

My feet are freezing. I talked to my ex-boyfriend that I was engaged to marry lastnight. It was nice to hear something from him. We were never able to just talk to eachother and be friends again after everything fell apart a year ago. He somehow discovered my pregnancy, and told me that it felt really strange to him because that was supposed to be us. But he felt like I would be a great mother. To hear that from him of all people, it really meant alot to me. He's supposed to be back in town in December before heading up to New York to visit his friends and family there and wants to meet up. I'm really looking forward to it. I think that him and I being best friends again; repairing a destroyed friendship that was great at one point will really help me to cope with alot of things going on right now.

I suppose I need to get up and get ready for work now. God, I feel like my back is broken. And all I keep hearing from women that have been pregnant before is "it's only going to get worse." Yes. Thinking about that is exactly what's going to get me through the day.