Joifsijdosdf!!

I'm on my hour lunch break from work today. I am extremely pissed off, as usual. Not only did I get an attitude from this angry woman this morning because she wanted me to open up HER gift card that was still packaged to pay for her things, but also Burger King's cups are the worst fucking cups i've ever used in my life. This woman hands me this visa gift card when it comes to paying for her whole order, and it's still wrapped up & packaged in what it came in. I questioned her and she said that her daughter gave it to her and she wanted to pay with it. She said she didn't know how to get it open. Alright.. i'm going to pretend like it's my job to stop in the middle of a line of customers to tear out YOUR card to pay for your items. I walked several isles down before I finally found some scissors and tried to cut it out, but the packaging it was in wouldn't separate. I came back and told the woman "i'm sorry but, it's not my job to get this open for you and if I accidentally cut your card trying to get to it, I would be held responsible and I don't want to be." She got mad and snappy and said "Fine, my daughter won't be happy about it but i'll just pay with cash. You guys shouldn't sell those if you can't use them." I was heated by this point. I said "I hope you're not mad at me because that didn't even come from our store and it's not my job to open them up for you so that you can pay with it." Not one response after that. Whatever lady, get a clue and get your shit together.

After I went on lunch, I was starving so I dropped by Burger King on the way to my mom's house where I am now. I ordered an iced coffee because i've been doing really well keeping no caffeine in my system so I decided it would be okay just this one time. As usual, it never fails. Every fucking time I used to get an iced coffee from there, the piece of shit cups they use always spill. If you tip it just the slightest bit to wear the coffee meets the brim of the cup even with the lid on it, you're going to be wearing your drink. I was so fucking mad. The woman said "What's wrong, you don't like it?" I said "No. Your cups suck! I'm wearing my drink now, all over my work clothes." She just stared at me and said she was sorry. Meanwhile i'm holding my drink with coffee all over my fucking clothes, OBVIOUSLY needing some goddamn assistance. I'm like "can I get some napkins!?" She said "oh, absolutely!" I swear. I don't understand what is wrong with the world these days.

I'd like to burn down Walmart, Burger King, and any other piece of shit corporation that only cares about taking your money. And all the customers think about is making you feel like shit the rest of your miserable shift.

Today is not a good day.

Yay!

Today I went to the doctor to get my blood drawn for testing, finally! They actually called me this morning at 8:30, an hour before I had to be there to cancel and reschedule my appointment because of the weather. I was so pissed, thinking back on how long i've already waited to get this over with so I can continue on with my next appointments. They claimed they would open at 1PM and call me back to set a new scheduled date. Of course, I never got a call back. I called at 1:10 and got a message saying they wouldn't be open until 1 and to call back after that time. Uhh, d'oh! I'm glad everyone knows how to do their job. I called again at 2:30 to see if they could get me in today and luckily, they were able to at 3:15. It seemed to work out just perfectly. I rushed over there with my mom and niece since we were already out together, and they took five tubes. I thought I was just going to die of how deeply disturbed I was over the whole thing. I can't stand blood. It just makes me freak out to the max.

Anyway, I have my next official appointment on the 23rd to actually meet with my doctor. I'm really excited. I feel like time is going by super slow though. I'm hoping they'll at least check for the heartbeat so I can get some kind of reassurance that everything is okay down there. I'm able to get my ultrasound exactly five weeks from today at the earliest, making it 20 weeks. That will be the big day I absolutely cannot wait for. I'm a little nervous for my next appointment on the 23rd as I have decided to keep in my nipple piercings for now. If I decide to breastfeed once I get closer to the due date, i've decided i'm going to see how easily I can take the bars in & out inbetween feedings as i've read other women who have had them suggested. By that point, I will have had them for a year and a half. It's something that makes me feel a little more confident in my self-image, and I don't think I could bare getting them repierced if I just took them out for months. Especially with scar tissue built up. I'm a big baby when it comes to piercings. But I would definitely never attempt to breastfeed with them in. I've read that it can cause problems for the baby and also be a major choking hazard if it were to come loose. Anyway, this is why i'm nervous about the appointment. I'm sure they will probably want to examine my breasts and well, let's face it: doctors don't exactly approve of body piercings. Nonetheless, on a pregnant woman in such a delicate area. I have decided that I want to invest in some threadless Tygon bars, which are supposed to be very flexible and much more comfortable. And the fact that they're threadless, it shouldn't be painful putting them back in as other non-threadless bars are. I'd like to get them before the appointment, but it depends on how this week goes for me. They are definitely the bars I would want to use for awhile though, especially during the time of (if I decide to) breastfeeding.

I was weighed today, the first time since before I got pregnant. Apparently i've gained ten pounds in the last three months. Which is absolutely shocking to me of course because i've been the same weight for a few years now. I've never been able to gain more weight than a whopping 105 pounds. It's so funny to me. I know where it's all going though: this growing belly and the new boulders sitting on my chest. And to add to it, i've also went up a bra size. I was originally a 34C. I am now already a 36D. It terrifies me a little bit. Hah! On the downfall, I still suffer from persistent headaches almost every single morning and occasionally throughout the day. I'm still keeping up with my gummy prenatal vitamins, that are absolutely delicious might I add. Sometimes. One thing that kills me though at least at some point on a daily basis is pelvic pain. I was reading up on it and it's due to the relaxin that your body starts to produce when you become pregnant, which temporarily softens the bones down there so that they can be prepared for giving birth. Well unfortunately, my pelvis seems to shift alot, causing great pain for me. Sometimes I can go hours standing, walking, doing whatever and feel perfectly fine. Other times it will literally just come at me from nowhere. Once I sit down, I feel fine. But if I stand back up even an hour later, it's usually still there. Yesterday it was so bad before I went to work that I found myself limping. It generally occurs more on one side than the other. It's almost always been on the left side, but here recently also on the right side. It hurts to put pressure on the leg that is on the same side as the pain is. Also, slightly bending over hurts aswell. I have found no stretching or back popping of any sort to be relieving or helpful in any way. Unfortunately, it just comes and goes and the most random and sometimes worst times.

I've been staying at my mother's house for about two weeks now. Don't ask me why, I really have no idea. I suddenly just feel the desire to be around her alot more. My sister's been taking care of my dog at the house while i've been gone. I ask her how he's doing and if he needs any food or anything. He seems to be fine just like he always is. I really fear that I may have to get rid of him the closer I get to my pregnancy or once the baby gets here. I will hopefully be living by myself at that point, and I just fear he won't be able to get as much attention as I used to give him. I already seem to be neglecting him and I feel really bad about it. If it comes down to it, I will leave him with my sister. She loves him very much and likes having him around.

Anyway, I have to be at work in the morning so I need to be getting off here. The picture i'll be posting on the bottom was taken a few days ago on December 12th.

I seem to be getting more & more distant from blogging as of lately. I just haven't really had much happen since the last time I posted. Aside from finally registering in my brain that Chris doesn't deserve any excuses anymore as to why he acts the way he does, nothing really has changed. I've still been working almost daily, and on the days i'm off I generally still have to get up and do something productive. On the upside, I rarely get motion-sickness anymore unless i'm starving or I get up extremely early in the morning. I'm still making more frequent trips to the bathroom to pee excessively. However, within the past week I seem to be starting a pattern: headaches everytime I wake up in the morning. Sometimes they eventually fade away, but other times I have to take something before it stops hurting. I woke up at 10:30 AM this morning and my head hasn't stopped hurting yet. So i'm about to take some tylenol. Yipee.

It's snowing outside as I type this. The first snow of the season, so you can imagine everyone's enthusiasm about it. I personally, could care less. I don't really like the snow. It's pretty to look at, but it's just another excuse for people to drive as slow as molasses on the roads. And since I hate the cold so much, I have no desire to go outside and play in it. I think I lost that many years ago.

Within the past week, I have joined a popular mother website called baby-gaga. I really like it. It's nice to talk on the forums about different topics and meet other women like yourself. Unfortunately you still have to be careful though because even with age, women never stop being dramatic.

Oh! I bought some chewy prenatal vitamins yesterday since I can't swallow the big pills most women take and surprisingly, they taste good too! I'm much more enthused about taking them now. Ugh, i'm going to get off here now. I need to take these pills for my head and go get Rojo some dog food before I goto work at four. I'm not enthused about that..

Turkey Day.

I was sitting on the couch talking to my mom this morning when I realized I haven't really blogged in awhile. To give a slight update on what's been going on, I went to the doctor for my first appointment on the 23rd. To my surprise, my insurance doesn't cover any kind of pregnancy-related stuff. I wasn't able to get my bloodwork done, however I was at least able to speak with someone and get alot of booklets and information from her. Once my other insurance kicks in, i'll be able to go back in to get my bloodwork done and also meet with one of the doctors they have there in December. I'll be getting my first ultrasound at about 20 weeks. On the upside, I will be able to see the gender by that point. So that will be a nice surprise.

The woman I spoke with estimated that my due date would be June 8th, making me 12 weeks pregnant as of yesterday. But until the ultrasound, I don't want to trust that guess too much. All I can think of now is how excited I am. I just hope that everything is okay. I received samples of prenatal vitamins while I was there and was finally able to really look at them yesterday. After being blown away by the size of them, I decided to search online to see if there was any smaller ones that they offered. I saw there was one brand in particular everyone seemed to like that sold smaller pills, and there was also an alternative I read for taking the larger ones. Some people suggested grinding them into powder and then mixing them into something like a banana smoothie. Sounds like an awesome idea to me. But unfortunately, I don't have a blender! So I think for now, i'm just going to look into purchasing the smaller pills.

A few new things i've been experiencing the past week and a half was having extreme lower back pains and feeling quite over-emotional when watching upsetting or amazing movies & shows on the television. It's quite pitiful honestly. I've never been one to cry watching something as simple as someone else crying over a tragic thing happening in their life. I feel like a big baby. And as far as the back pain goes, i've discovered that alot of the pain is coming from pressure on my sciatic nerve. Unfortunately, it could last all the way until I give birth. But on the upside, sitting down for awhile seems to relieve alot of the pain for awhile. It just seems to happen at random moments, really. But usually when i'm working for long periods of time. I haven't spoke with Chris in probably a week now. I don't know how California is treating him and I don't know if any more of his family knows yet. One thing I do know is i'm beginning to feel very alone in this situation. All I can keep reminding myself is if it comes down to it, my baby is all I need right now to keep it together.

Happy Thanksgiving. This is probably the first turkey day I will be able to really take advantage of with my new, big appetite. Everyone better be prepared for me to devour everything! I'm off to help my mom make the peanut butter pie now. Hopefully more updates soon..

Moving Forward.

Well, it looks like i'll be starting this blog out with a rumbling tummy. I ate dinner about two hours ago at a mexican restaurant right down the road from my mother's house and amazingly, i've somehow managed to go back in time. One thing's for sure: I can't wait to go home and exfoliate my face. I suddenly feel the typical monthly "period" break-out that I used to get coming on. How exciting, one more annoying thing to deal with right now. On the upside, only six more days before I get to see the baby for the first time! I am just ecstatic about the whole thing. I'll have to scan the picture(s) and post them as soon as I can.

I seem to be talking more and more about the pregnancy to my mom much more comfortably then before. I think this whole thing will actually be what brings us closer together. She seems to always guess what the grandchildren are going to be and it's always right. She guessed both of my sister's kids that came out as girls, and she guessed my brother's which came out as a girl aswell. And she said she has a gut feeling that mine is going to be a boy. Which is actually.. very funny because i've always said I wanted a boy. It's really going to be interesting to find out considering girls seem to run my entire family.

So, i've decided to cut my hair again. I've been growing it back out for months now, trying to get it back to what it was. But i've finally come to the conclusion that I just simply look a million times better with an angled dark brown bob that I can mess up and make it look good easily. Short hair just seems to fit me alot better than long hair. Plus it is much more manageable and easy to maintain, which could be good in this time in my life where I have hardly any energy or desire to put alot of work into getting ready. Therefor, I think i'm going to go ahead and color it back dark again and go get it snipped off pretty soon. I'm actually pretty excited about it because I feel like it might help me regain more confidence after feeling so miserable here lately.

I go back to work tomorrow after having a few days off. I can't figure out if i'm looking forward to it or not haha! The people I work with seem to be making the days go by alot smoother since they found out I was pregnant and i've found myself talking more to some coworkers than ever before. The only thing I do wish is that customers had more common sense than to put heavy items on the belt. My supervisor Stacey said that I really need to watch whenever people do it and tell them to please keep it in the cart so I can come around. Up until now, i've always lifted stuff perfectly fine. Big cases of water bottles, dog food, and sometimes massive boxes in carts that people perfectly capable of helping me out just stand there and watch as I struggle to flip it upside down to get to the barcode. After finding out that it's crucial especially in the first trimester not to do things like that, I guess i'm going to have to change those habits. I told Stacey my only thing is when I tell them to leave it in the cart or ask them to help me, I don't want them to look at me like i'm some weak person that can't hardly lift anything because i'm not. So she told me just to simply throw in the fact that i'm pregnant and they should be more understanding. Sometimes I wish I was showing more than I already am so I wouldn't HAVE to explain..

I keep wanting to post a baby calendar of how far along I am and when i'm due but I want to wait until the actual doctor examines me and determines an accurate estimation versus what other people have been guessing due to when I think my last period was. They've been guessing i'm probably about 10 weeks now and my due date is June 13th but i'd like to be pretty sure before I tell everybody one thing and find out it's another later on.

Ohh, I need fooood.. I'm getting off here and heading home. Rojo probably misses me after being gone the last couple days.

3 Days of Freedom!

I figured I would type up a quick post before heading to bed. Lately i've been cherishing my sleep and crashing earlier than normal, but the last few days work and other distracting things have kept me up pretty late.

Chris arrived in California this morning. I suspect his mother still doesn't know about the pregnancy, unless of course his brother told her or he finally owned up to it and told her himself. I don't think i'm quite prepared to explain to Chris my still contemplative decision to stay in North Carolina. I might want to wait just a little longer for him to get settled in and see how our relationship towards eachother is then. It would be such a different situation if we were just head-over-heels in love with eachother. But unfortunately, that's not the case so it makes everything a little more complicated.

I get to see the baby for the first time in eight days. I am just ecstatic about it. I have the bloodwork appointment the day before, which freaks me out a little bit since i'm terrified of getting my blood taken but i'll have to just suck it up for the sake of getting to see my little one the next day. My brother still doesn't know, as far as I know. Unless of course my mother has said something to him, but i'm pretty sure she hasn't since none of us have even seen him since before we went on the Maryland trip. My stepfather knows now, and it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. He hasn't said anything to me about it actually. And when confronted about it from my mother about him knowing via text message, he seemed to be laughing at how terrified I was about him finding out. I guess it's not as big of a deal as I thought it would be. Packing up and moving to Canada must not be the number one priority anymore.

I'm so hungry. I'm staying at my mother's tonight and there's nothing really to make here without making a lot of noise so i'm trying to stay away from the kitchen since it's right next to their open bedroom. I'm sure I could probably devour something the size of a cow right about now though. I'm going to eat a few snack crackers and take myself to bed. I've got to get up super early in the morning to run some errands with my mother to get myself a little more prepared for the rest of the pregnancy and beyond.

Gah, I miss Rojo. I'm sure he's probably curled up in my blankets at home right now wishing I was there to use me for my body heat. He's such a cutie. I'm off work for the next three days. Woohoo! Oh, but I also get to enjoy a nice long shift on black friday beginning at 4:45 in the freaking morning. FML.

Anyway, i'm off.

Looking Up.

Things seem a lot nicer now that I was able to speak with my mother about things that are going on. I don't feel quite as.. stuck in the situation I thought I would be forced into. If I can just apply for the necessary things that I will need help with in the next few months, I can move out from living with my sister to try and get a cheap little one-bedroom apartment on my own here without moving out to California. I already have a cradle and crib that's passed around in the family for all of my mother's grandchildren as they grow older that I can use. All I would really need to supply is the mattress and of course the other basics. But it's nice that I already have help with the BIG major things that i'll need right away. Now my main focus needs to be buying the baby clothes, bottles, burp cloths, and other things.

I'm very excited to start getting things now, but I should probably wait a little bit on some things before I find out the gender. I just want everything to be perfect and prepared for when he or she gets here.

Today, my back hurts more than it's ever hurt in my life. I went into work lastnight for a 7:30 to midnight shift and when I first went in, it wasn't hurting at all. By eleven, I was cringing. I was hoping sleep lastnight would help it go away a little bit but it feels just as bad as it did when I got off work. I wish I had some kind of muscle rub or something to help it. Today I go in from 2:30 to eleven. It's probably going to kill me. So far I have told roughly ten people I work with about it. But in a store that big, it practically amounts to nothing. Everyone seems to be extremely happy for me. In fact, I have some of the women up there wanting to exchange numbers with me now to keep in touch about everything.. as if I don't already see them almost every day haha! That store is practically my second home. Almost everyone in the family knows about the pregnancy now except my brother, his girlfriend, and my stepdad's family. My biological father in Florida found out on facebook and of course instead of questioning me, runs to my mother like i'm five years old and asks her if i'm joking. Really? It would be nice if I could be taken seriously as an adult for once in his eyes.

My feet are freezing. I talked to my ex-boyfriend that I was engaged to marry lastnight. It was nice to hear something from him. We were never able to just talk to eachother and be friends again after everything fell apart a year ago. He somehow discovered my pregnancy, and told me that it felt really strange to him because that was supposed to be us. But he felt like I would be a great mother. To hear that from him of all people, it really meant alot to me. He's supposed to be back in town in December before heading up to New York to visit his friends and family there and wants to meet up. I'm really looking forward to it. I think that him and I being best friends again; repairing a destroyed friendship that was great at one point will really help me to cope with alot of things going on right now.

I suppose I need to get up and get ready for work now. God, I feel like my back is broken. And all I keep hearing from women that have been pregnant before is "it's only going to get worse." Yes. Thinking about that is exactly what's going to get me through the day.